how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
