I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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