you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
