Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
