he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
