it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
