we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
