Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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