I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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