Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
