Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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