Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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