After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
