hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
