I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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