How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
