After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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