I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
