looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
