do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
