i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
