Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
