Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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