Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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