Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
