Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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