All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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