Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
