Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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