Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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