You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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