Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
