This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
