where does the pee come out of this thing
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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