Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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