after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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