Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
