Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
