just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
