Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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