Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
