The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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