My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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