If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
