he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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