Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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