Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
