I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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