Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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