All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
