Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
