You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everyone says I win the strip club
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
