I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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