Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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