I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
