I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
