I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
