Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
