she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
