I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
