Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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