Ambien. No doubt about it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
