so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
