we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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