i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
