if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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