Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
