Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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